Harper May White: birth story

I don't often use this space as a journal so much anymore, but I wanted to revisit and write up miss Harper's birth story. She is 3 months old in about 3 days, now so I figured it was time!

It looks like my last post was from well over a year ago (March of 2018!) and considering it is only 2 months away from 2020, I think it is safe to say I am not much of a "blogger" anymore! I like using Instagram to keep in touch with and keep our loved ones updated on our life happenings.

Since my last post, LOTS has happened. Zach decided to stop the PhD at Duke, graduated with a Master's instead, got a job at Capital One as a Software Engineer and since has changed positions/teams to be a Data Scientist, we moved to the beautiful suburbs of Richmond Virginia, and then shortly after moving to Richmond found out I was expecting a baby!!

We had been trying to get pregnant for about a year when one morning I decided to take a test. Zach was down at our apartment's little gym and Emerson and I were just hanging out. When I saw that it was positive I FREAKED out! I was so, so excited (not even gonna lie, I felt more relieved/carefree finding out this time around because we had insurance through Z's job whereas with Emerson there were tons of unknowns!) and decided I was going to surprise him as SOON as he walked back through our door. I wrote on a piece of paper "BIG SISTER!" and taped it to Emerson's back then had her holding onto my *cleaned* test so that when Zach walked I said, "Zach, I really have to go to the bathroom! Emerson's sitting on the couch, she's playing with something. Can you grab it?" and ran into the hallway. He said, "EMMIE!" in a sweet, happy-to-see-you voice and then noticed what she was holding. Then he said, "Oh my gosh." I tried to record a video but was so excited I didn't even realize you couldn't see where I had propped up the phone. But after that part, you can hear and kinda see his feet running to me where we met in a big hug with laughter and tears. Then, of course, Em needed in on the excitement and ran over to us where we all hugged and laughed and jumped up and down! She had no idea what was going on, but we sure did and it was such a special moment!!

Fast forward to my 14 week appointment, in the ultrasound the technician said she was never wrong when she guessed the baby's gender so when she guessed GIRL we were cautiously excited! We would've been thrilled either way, but since I didn't have a sister growing up (now I have 6! Lucky me!) I always hoped I would have at least two daughters so they could have each other.

Fast forward another 6 weeks to my 20 week anatomy scan where we learn that baby number two is INDEED A BABY GIRL and that she is growing perfectly. I decided to opt for a repeat c-section after months of research and talking with my husband and doctor and also praying about it. Given all my information, my doctor decided that it would be safest for me to have another c-section and I felt good about the decision to have another one.

* A few close calls and one trip to the hospital (at 38 weeks where I not only had consistent contractions BUT ALSO DILATED FROM A 3 TO A 4 WHILE AT THE HOSPITAL BUT THEY DECIDED TO SEND ME HOME GRRRR) later...*

Fast forward, one more time through a rough and uncomfortable pregnancy that I wished I could literally fast forward on most days, 19 weeks and 1 day. I had been HOPING my water would break so that I could experience that sensation since my doctor broke my water while I had already had an epidural with Emerson. Anyway, the last 7 or so weeks were super difficult for me because I was almost always having contractions and in pain so I honestly felt like I deserved to have my water break if that's what I wanted since I was having a dang c-section anyway haha. The Saturday I became exactly 39 weeks, my family who was in town (mom, dad, and brother) and Zach and Em and I all went to Newport News to eat some Cafe Rio and on a little adventure. We figured if I hadn't gone into labor already, there was NO WAY I would go into labor doing something I actually wanted to do. And thank goodness I didn't! But I was feeling so good I texted my friend and Primary President (I'm the secretary) that I would for sure be seeing her the next day at church because I felt so great then went to bed.

I woke up a few times that night to pee, because duh, but never noticed anything crazy. Then at 6 am sharp, I woke up to a pop and GUSH of water. I was in shock for about 2.5 seconds and then said, "ZACH! ZACH! MY WATER JUST BROKE!" and, okay, even though that's all caps, it's really meant to be read in a loud whisper because I'm a parent and ain't nobody got time to yell at 6 in the morning with their sleeping kid across the hall haha. He literally did not respond for the first 5 seconds of me trying to rouse him because he thought I was yanking his chain!! Maybe something I would do (okay totally something I would do), but it was the real deal, people. He finally sat up and said, "Are you serious??" "YES!" I loud whispered back as I got up and waddled to the toilet, on the way there just dripping fluid along the way (GROSS HAHA but this is more for me, than you sooo I'm writing every detail I can remember!). I had so much adrenaline pumping through my body at this point because I was so excited to have this baby and also nervous for the surgery and also equal parts fascinated and annoyed with how wet I had gotten my bed/garments/floor. Zach started bustling in the bedroom, getting ready to go and telling my mom and dad what had happened while I showered quickly so I could wash my lower abdomen and do some other things (put some sticky stuff on my belly to sterilize) before we left for the hospital. While I was in the shower, I also called my OB office to tell them what had happened so they could tell the hospital since I was now an "emergency cesarean" case.

We gathered up our things and I put on an adult diaper and we headed down our apartment stairs to the car JUST as contractions started. Nice. They were definitely more intense than I would've liked to have endured at that point, but I was just so excited still that it wasn't too bad. Zach drove to the hospital and dropped me off at the doors while he parked. I started going in and soon enough he caught up to me. We walked straight to L+D where they let us in and showed me to a room. I changed out of my diaper (and other clothes obviously ha) and into a gown and got into the bed to work through the contractions while nurses came in and out doing all the pre-surgery things. Since it was now about 7:15 am, they were right about to have a shift change so the doctors and nurses currently prepping me would be leaving soon. The doctor right about to leave came in and chatted with me and I remember him saying something about how they would check me to see how dilated I was with the next doctor, but no one ever did. I'm still kinda curious what I was then! But obviously I wasn't curious enough to care or ask again.

After working through contractions for about an hour with my sweet husband and sometimes listening to "Moment of Truth" by CYN (thanks Emerson for liking movies that have good music) it was time for me to walk myself (I know, couldn't I at least have had a freaking wheelchair??) into the OR. I sat up on the table and bent over my nurse to get the spinal block. Even though my epidural was pretty much worn off when I got my spinal block for E's c-section, it must've helped quite a bit because getting the spinal block this time hurt. I reflexively squeezed the nurses side when the anesthetist inserted the needle and she got a little mad at me (HELLO I AM SORRY IT WAS AN ACCIDENT) and that made me feel bad which led me to feel even more nervous and alone and scared to be in this sterile OR with doctors and nurses but without my husband about to have surgery. This may seem like a small moment to note and remember, but it seriously threw me for a loop. So here I am, an enormous whale of a human being with a (soon we found out) nearly NINE POUND baby in me leaning over a grouchy, rude woman who I am 99% positive I did NOT squeeze that hard, thank you very much.

After the spinal and everything is in place, they lay me back down on the table. I lay there while they (nurses) prepare things and chat amongst themselves and sometimes make small talk with me. It was oddly peaceful after my moment of worry and loneliness, to lie there and meditate in a way. They put both drapes up (a clear drape, and a blue drape over it) and then they began the surgery. I could feel the tugging but no pain and was trying to focus on the small talk the nurse by my head was making with me. When it was almost time for the baby to be born, my Zach came in and sat beside my head. He was so excited, I could tell, and I was so excited and she was coming so, so soon! After 10 minutes or less, at 9:09 AM on July 7th, 2019 they dropped the blue drape so I could see through the clear one and miss Harper May White was born! They took her out and held her right up for us to see! She was absolutely beautiful and chunky! Both doctors and said when they pulled her out "Wow! She's a big baby!" and "This one has some chunk on her!" That made my heart so, so proud and happy. They wiped off most blood quickly then almost immediately brought her over to me for skin to skin. She still had the vernix on her (SO COOL, if you really know me you know it takes a lot to gross me out so this didn't phase me one bit) and was so fresh and we got to just snuggle and I talked to her and she cried some then quieted down then would cry again. It was magic. Especially if you know how things went with Emerson.

After I snuggled her for a bit, they took her over to finish cleaning her off and to weigh her (8 lbs 13 ounces) and measure her (21 inches long).

Then Zach got to hold her a bit before they gave her back to me, and wheeled me into my recovery room. We stayed there for several hours while I nursed and slept and Zach and I both snuggled Harper and did skin to skin and basked in the new babyness... with occasional fundal massages which are the absolute worst. I was feeling pretty nauseous coming off the anesthesia but tried to eat ice chips and sleep when I could. When we got moved to our mother/baby room, I realized I was not going to be eating for a while because of how sick I was. That dang medicine makes me SO sick! So I felt a little miserable while I tried to rest and keep my nausea at bay while celebrating with Zach over our perfect new girl.

^^^ Pic of me feeling SUPER nauseous but wanting to snuggle my baby and keeping my eyes shut so I didn't throw up haha

This part makes me sad so I'm gonna keep it quick because hindsight and all that and now it's fine. That evening, we wanted Emerson to come meet baby sister. I thought I was feeling a bit better so my parents brought E and she came up on the bed to sit with me. Then Harper was handed to me and we got to all be snuggly in my bed for about 10 seconds before I realized I was gonna blow chunks errrrrrrrywhere so I AS CALMLY AS I COULD without freaking out my kid said firmly but calmly, "I need someone to take the baby right now. I am going to be sick. Please hurry. Take her right now." Zach and my angel mother who has learned my ways for the last 25 years immediately acted and rescued both girls before I threw up a ton into my sad little barf bag on the side of my bed. Zach buzzed the nurse to come help me and my dad stood beside me and helped, as I tried to contain it all and in that moment of sickness and grossness I felt so blessed and grateful for my family. They took such amazing care of me. Anyway, sob story for me, I didn't have the "picture perfect" experience of my daughters meeting each other for the first time. But it was still perfect... minus the sickness part.

^^^ The most proud big sister you ever did see. Love that big sis. And little sis. First time meeting baby sis!!

The next day, really sometime in the middle of the night, I felt a ton better and got to eat a few graham crackers which tasted like a freaking 5 star meal at that point. The rest of the hospital stay went well and when my nurse told me Tuesday morning that I could leave that day, we JUMPED at the chance. They came in and did all the tests and everything we needed to leave and we left to bring our perfect babe home. And it's been crazy, beautiful, fun, chaotic, hard, snuggly and wonderful with all the love in the world ever since. Harper brings a peaceful, calming spirit to our home that I don't know how we ever lived without her.